Last night I got a call from Mandi at work telling me to go home to Anna. the thing I have been watching for (or watching out for hoping it would not come) happened. My daughter Anna cut herself again. For my new readers, this is not accidental you understand. It was deliberate. She had been free from this for the past 14 months. It was a good run. But tonight, the depression and anxiety she struggled with got the upper hand. It’s shaping up to be a busy couple of weeks, and a full throttle start to the new year.
Cutting is a nasty beast, cutting, and far too common. If you want to get into the head of that thinking, listen to the song “Cut” by Plumb.
When I asked her why she felt she needed to go back to that again she said that cutting released endorphins that made you feel happy.
“Well, if it did, that happiness did not last long, did it?” I answered.
She shrugged. But then admitted that she was still sad and felt unsafe.
The reality is that sin is like that too isn’t it? We rationalize sinning saying that it will masked us feel better, give us what we want, or make us happy, or help us forget our problems. Perhaps it seems to for a short bit. But eventually, and much sooner than we would like to admit, we find that the relief was short-lived, the happiness fleeting, and our problems more daunting because of new guilt and shame from our actions. Sin is essentially a spiritual cutting of the soul.
As our love and support for Anna did not change because of her relapse, but rather moved me and her mom to act to protect, help, and serve her; as the Father’s son or daughter, He is no less moved to come close to you and give you the grace, compassion, and help you need when you spiritually cut yourself. You don’t need to worry about turning Him from you. Jesus has already paid for your healing and restoration. His love for you, commitment to you, and grace for you will not waver when your faith wavers. On the contrary, “A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out” (Isaiah 42:3, NIV).