The Long Road

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When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze (Isaiah 43:2, NIV).

It has been a long road lately. After two weeks of trying to support Anna’s continuing battle with anxiety and depression at home, she went back into a hospital program. She has been there a week so far. It is hard to explain to people who are not dealing with similar issues in family and loved ones. Anna is so chuck full of awesome you can’t help but smile when you see it. But she can’t…can’t or won’t, I don’t know which is more accurate. She has said at times that she wishes her disability was visible—like being deaf or being paralyzed—so then people would see right away that she has a problem. Fortunately, God has given Mandi and I “eyes to see” and we are taking advantage of all that God gives us to help her through this.

The day she went in, our boiler breathed its last…so good timing for her. Hopefully when she gets back we will have a whole new and modern heating system rocking the house. For now, we are thankful for being in a house dating back to 1780 that has 4 working fireplaces and a woodstove, and that the weather has been pretty good and not unseasonably cold.

Add to that my church is in the middle of a major transition as our longtime and well-loved senior pastor is stepping out of hat role next year, and the church decided to eliminate my position as they move forward, opting for a smaller pastoral staff. This was not a surprise to me. But while I was expecting things to go that way, it is different when the idea is made official. I thought about putting my name in the hat for the senior pastor position when they start looking, but I have come to the conclusion that the best way for me to help in this transition is to let that go.

So, right now I have….

no Anna at home,

no heat,

no hot water,

and no call as of September 2016.

No one likes going through times like this. But I have been learning that God makes good use of these times. He’s not sadistic about it or sarcastic, but there is a sense in which He enjoys these times because they allow Him to shine the brightest. After all, if you are at all familiar with my blog you know that I believe life comes down to learning two lessons:

  1. I am not enough. I was not meant to be enough, nor am I ever going to be enough.
  2. Jesus is enough. And in Him, through Him, I will therefore always have enough.

You cannot be learning either of these lessons unless you are first brought to the place where you face the stark fact that you are not enough, and that Jesus must prove that He is enough or you are sunk.

There are some Christians who would have you believe that God would never knowingly bring you to times like this. There are some who cannot believe that God would not want to remove the pains and challenges that burden us as quickly as possible. But I don’t know how God could ever grow your faith, trust, and love for Him; or appreciate His grace, mercy, patience, and compassion unless we come to such places.

I suppose it is true—in a sense—that God does want to remove the pains and challenges that burden us as quickly as possible, but we don’t always have a clear idea of what God is doing, where He is working, or how we are being built up in these times. Therefore while they will not last longer than they need to, they often last much longer than we want them to. We often feel the pain of being broken down so much that we can’t see that He is breaking us down so that He can build us up so that the blessings we long for—a greater love for God and others, a greater capacity for joy, a more honest humility, and a stronger faith—can become realities.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t tired and more than ready for this to be over. But I would also be lying if I did not at the same time confess that I was excited to see the finished work that this will produce. Right now, it looks and feels like a jumbled mess; but God is putting it all together, and if I have been learning anything, it is that I can trust Him with my life and the lives of my family. Jesus always shows Himself to be enough. That is not just a doctrinal statement to me, it is a description of my experience.

28 Comments

  1. Dear Pastor Dan,

    Anna’s situation is difficult enough… so the work piece is like that mean straw on the camel’s back. My gut reaction is to look up and say “why are you allowing this?”

    But then I remembered words from a very smart man – “God is like Superman… powerful and good.”

    Yes, that very smart man is you!

    Whatever thoughts, scripture versus, etc that can sustain you, please know that I’m praying for you, Anna’s health, and your family situation.

    You are a talented pastor … hope you and your family come closer to the Boston area!

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  2. Dan, having a hidden disability must be especially difficult. Not knowing what’s next in your ministry for the Lord is rough. Know that many are remembering you all!

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  5. wow!!!
    We are seniors who have one doggy, Greta, who is a chihuahua dachshund mix just less than a year old. a little comic.
    wow – bearded dragons and birds, a menagerie. Don’t know any shar peis. I hope it makes daily life a fun and joy thing in light of your suffering.

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      1. so this may be Anna’s answered prayer? hope when she’s home soon this will be a good fit with what she needs and wants!

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  7. King David was a great leader because he weathered the enormous strain of pain. He was a man after God’s heart – a man who cried out to God in anguish; a man stripped, broken down but elevated as a result to govern rightly. These times that drive us almost to our wits end – and for those of us who have gone our ‘beyond’ wits end – will know how to enter into the pain of others. These ‘messy’ times where we cannot see any good coming out of them are making us more real. I know you know all this… just a reminding encouragement, brother. Lifting you all in prayer.

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    1. Thank you friend. I greatly appreciate your encouragement. And thanks for that book recommendation of Chambers you gave a few weeks ago. I bought it and read it… very, very good. Thank you.

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    1. Certainly feels that way. It has been a rough couple of years. Thanks for praying. I know full well that God has everything fully in His hands, but that truth does not mean the hardness of things is any less real. Know what I mean?

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