What makes a good buttress? How do we need to be growing in order to be bearing with one another in love? In closing post, let me point out four things from Ephesians 4 that are essential for effectively serving one another in this way.
Humility. We need to be completely humble. We need to remember our own need of grace. We need to remember that we have been called to deliver God’s grace, not His judgment. We are called to serve, not to be served. It is the job of the buttress to bear the weight, to forbear; we should not be surprised or upset that this is our work. It is what God designed us to do and has called us to do for one another. There is no Christian who is exempt from this work.
Gentleness. We are to conduct ourselves in humility and respond with gentleness. The word means to be mild, to be meek. When we face the pressure of sin, or are hurt, or offended we are not to break away or lose our temper. Our response is to be gentle. The buttress is set against the weak point of the wall, it is not surprised by the pressure of the wall leaning into it. It does not take offense. Nor does it push back in anger toppling the wall backwards. It does not move, but takes it, absorbs it, giving it the strength to stand.
When Jesus said in Matthew 11:29 (NIV) Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls, these same words are used. By being completely humble and gentle we bring the healing grace of the Gospel to pain and suffering and conflict and bring rest to one another.
Patience. The buttresses on cathedrals like Bourges, Notre Dame, and Chartres have been faithfully doing their intended work for centuries; through the heat of summer and the cold of winter; they have continued through natural disasters and through war. No matter what the circumstances, they held fast and continue to hold.
Bearing with one another requires that we be learning a patience like that. Patience that does not give up, nor give in, or give way when things get hard, or when things do not go as planned, or when we have to deal with the same problems again and again and again.
We must be humble. We must be gentle. We must be patient. And forth, and most importantly, we must be forgiving. The very last verse of chapter 4 says, Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. I don’t think I am overstating things when I say that without a forgiving spirit it is all but impossible to be humble, gentle, and patient. A Christian who has an unforgiving temper, if there is such a thing, has little hope of ever understanding the depth of sin in their own heart necessary to have the gratitude and joy for God’s grace that a spirit of humility requires; without such a spirit, pride, self-righteousness, and anger (not gentleness) become the default response to pain and sin and offense; and without a forgiving spirit it is all but impossible to be patient for very long. No. if we can’t get this right, if we can’t be forgiving, everything else falls apart.
Now there are I am sure some who hear that and are broken hearted because there is a person you are struggling to forgive. Some sins are harder and more costly to forgive than others. Forgiving a person for saying something unkind is easier than forgiving someone for abuse, rape, or murder. If you are struggling to forgive a person for something, and that forgiveness is particularly costly to you, that is different from having an unforgiving spirit. The unforgiving spirit finds forgiving the small things as troublesome as the big things.
When we are hurt, offended, and sinned against, we need to lean back into Jesus, our Buttress, remember His grace and mercy that He has shown us day in and day out, and say, “You can’t hurt me as much as I hurt my Lord every single day. He hasn’t given up on me, so what right do I have to give up on you? I forgive you.” When that grows from a single decision, to being a habit, to being our spirit, we will be well on our way to living for God through Christ as strong buttresses in His kingdom that can bear with one another in love.
Learning To Be Full Of Grace And Truth. 
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