Several years ago, my dad and I visited some very good friends who live in New York State, Glenn and Linda Jamison. At one point Glenn asked me about a mutual friend that was in one of my small groups at a church I previously pastored. He shared some things with me that he wanted kept confidential and I promised him that I would.
On the way home, my dad asked me if Glenn had inquired about this friend, because he knew he wanted to ask me about this person. I said Glenn had brought it up, but left it at that. Later on, Glenn and my dad were following up with each other on the weekend and dad asked Glenn about what he and I had talked about. “Dan didn’t tell you?”
“No, he didn’t tell me anything.”
“Ah, then Dan is trustworthy.”
I found out after the fact that Glenn would have been OK if I had shared details of our conversation with my dad, but I am glad I let him make that call. One of the most important keys to building and cultivating trust is being able to keep confidences. Few things grow trust faster when we do, and few things destroy trust faster when it comes to light that we don’t.
It has been a common practice among pastors to not make close friends within the congregation they currently serve lest those friends turn on them and use things shared in confidence against them. This is very unfortunate. How can you model trust in your congregation if you are not willing to build it with them? Yet very often this advice appears to be wise as the experience of many pastors seems to support this fear. Every month 1500 pastors leave the ministry, many of them for this very reason.
Jesus says in Luke 16:10-11 (NIV) Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much. So if you have not been trustworthy in handling worldly wealth, who will trust you with true riches? While the context of this passage is about being trustworthy with money, the principle holds true with being trustworthy about all things that we are given—including personal information. If we can’t be trusted with keeping small things confidential, why should people trust us with keeping bigger things confidential? If people can’t trust us to keep things in confidence, should we be surprised that God choses to move people elsewhere to find the help they need?
Trust needs to be readily found in the church. For that to happen we need to have the reputation that when we are told something in confidence, it stays in confidence. That means not telling our close friends or even our spouse. When we do that we will have gone a long way towards building a place where people feel safe and free to open up and experience God’s grace and mercy.
Learning To Be Full Of Grace And Truth. 