With Great Blessing Comes Great Responsibility

Given that children are blessings from God that come with great responsibility, God calls us to live in submission to our children out of reference to Christ by accepting them as blessings from Him and to bring them up—to feed them and nourish them—in the training and instruction of the Lord.

How do we do that? How do we nourish our kids? To answer that let’s take a look back at Ephesians 4. In that chapter Paul is talking about what needs to be going on in the church so that Christians grow up into maturity. The Church remember is patterned after the family, and likewise each family is like a little church. In this section Paul highlights five things that work to create the atmosphere where people spiritually grow. These are just as true for the home as they are for the Church. Parents should create an atmosphere in the home where there is:

1. Blessing. Ephesians 4:15-16 (NIV) Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work. Just as Jesus affirmed the worth and place of children in the family and in His kingdom by blessing them, parents need to do the same. We bless them by telling them that they are of great value and by telling them that our love for them is based on who they are, not on what they do.

   Have you ever gotten something from the store that needs assembled that came packaged with extra parts? That is not how God went about creating people. There are no extra parts. Every person is a necessary part of God’s glorification of Himself. Every Christian is a necessary part of the family and the church family. No child has been made purposeless. We bless them by affirming their place in the family, and as they come to faith, of their place in the Church.

2. Parents should create an atmosphere in the home where there is openness. Ephesians 4:26-27 (NIV) “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. There will be times when there are disagreements. There will be times when we get angry with one another. But we cannot let our anger lead us into sin by letting it fester unattended. We need to be able to be open and honest about our feelings and disagreements. Our kids need to know that their home is a safe place where they can be open and honest with their parents. Parents not only need to make it safe to talk, but they need to listen to them. My wife Mandi found this quote a little while ago that says this well:

   Listen earnestly to anything your children want to tell you, no matter what. If you don’t listen eagerly to the little stuff when they are little, they won’t tell you the big stuff when they are big, because to them all of it has always been big stuff.

   That is so true. Keep the lines of communication open.

3. Parents should create an atmosphere in the home where there is accountability. Ephesians 4:28 (NIV) says He who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with his own hands, that he may have something to share with those in need.

   Parents need to hold their children accountable for their behavior. I agree with James Dobson who said. “Discipline and love are not antithetical; one is a function of the other.” That said, it is just as important to understand that children need to see their parents holding each other accountable too. As an old Arabian proverb says, “How can one have a sweet fragrance whose father is an onion and whose mother is garlic?”

4. Parents should create an atmosphere in the home where there is respect. Ephesians 4:29-31 (NIV) Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.

   To help us with this, Mandi and I have Ephesians 4:29 printed out and posted on the fridge. This serves 2 purposes. Every time any of us goes to get something out of the fridge, we see it as a reminder of how we are supposed to talk to one another. The second purpose is, if any of us says something that is not respectful or is unwholesome the person being spoken to or anyone who hears it can say “you need to go to the fridge.” Then the person needs to say the verse out loud and apologize.

   All five of us have invoked the “fridge call,” and all of us have had to go to the fridge…even me.

5. Parents should create an atmosphere in the home where there is forgiveness. Ephesians 4:32 (NIV) Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

   This maybe more important than anything else. Because if parents are not modeling forgiveness with each other and extending forgiveness to their kids, blessings are shown to be only skin deep, any openness is only a sham, accountability devolves into legalism, and respect becomes a synonym for control.

   Charlie Jones believed that any place the word love is in the Bible you could replace it with forgiveness, because forgiveness is love in action. If there is no forgiveness, there is no love.

   I started this three part series talking about Jonathan Edwards, and I think I will end it by sharing some of what he said not only as a pastor but as an active and loving father of eleven children, to parents in his congregation from a talk on Ephesians 6:4.

   Parents…You have been the occasions of bringing those creatures that have precious and immortal souls into being, and of their being born to die and born for eternity; and as you have been the means of their being, so their precious souls are in a peculiar manner committed to your care.

   Their bodies are committed to your care as you are sensible; and their souls are committed to your care no less than their bodies. You are very sensible their bodies are committed to your care. As soon as they come into the world [they] immediately need to be taken care of.

   Children need the care of their parents to feed them, and God has so provided that the child while in infancy should be nourished immediately from the mother’s body, by milk from her breast, by nourishment separated from [the mother’s] own blood. And afterwards the child still looks to its parents for its food and its clothing, and all the supports and comforts of life.

   And your children’s souls are no less committed to your care. Their [souls] need to be taken care of infinitely more than their bodies…for the welfare of [their souls is] that [which is] infinitely the most important part. On the welfare of their souls depends their eternal Interest, their salvation from eternal misery, obtaining eternal rest and glory…

   God has appointed means [for accomplishing this,] God has committed them to you—put them under your Care.