Rest, Sloth, and Cigars

I have a lot of irons in the fire. Just being a husband, a father to my three girls, and a homeowner could keep me busy around the clock; and that does not include my responsibilities as a pastor, author, speaker, mentor, or as a PhD candidate. Finding something to do is not a problem I have. My problem is allowing myself time to rest.

This is a double-edged sword for me. On the one hand, I need to rest. Sabbath is not a divine suggestion, we have been hardwired by God to need it. There is a real need, I think I could even call it a responsibility, to rest from our regular daily work. In essence neglecting this call to rest results in physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual burn out. When I do not take the time to rest it is not just me that suffers but my family, friends, and (most importantly) my relationship with God suffers too. On the other hand, my besetting brand of sin is sloth. “Never do today what can be put off till tomorrow” is a default mindset I have fought with varying degrees of success for decades.

I have been learning that, at least for me, these two polls feed off each other. The need for rest is a favorite card played by my sinful desire to rationalize a reason to get out of or at least put off my responsibilities. When I fall into this trap, all these responsibilities pile up and get bigger and bigger and become more and more daunting until I end up standing still, not knowing what to do next. When I recognize this pattern I put my head down and dive into my responsibilities and block my ears to the siren call of sloth. When I do this I can become so fearful of mistaking rest for sloth that I fail to discern God’s voice in my heart calling me to rest.

Paul had his “thorn in the flesh” to keep him from becoming conceited (2 Corinthians 12:7). This, I believe, is mine. The struggle with laziness, procrastination, and desire to avoid dealing with conflict makes it very clear that I am in myself, fundamentally broken and in dire need of daily grace. Apart from God’s grace—saving and sustaining grace—I would be hopelessly lost. I know I am utterly inadequate to the life and work that God has called me to. This drives me to Jesus on a daily basis, it makes me totally dependent on Him and His grace. When I see the victories in my life whether they be in my family, my ministry, or in endeavors like this blog or my PhD, I know that God is owed the glory and praise for those victories.

Yet in spite of my struggle God continues to be faithful, patient, and kind to me in this area. Far from giving up, He continues to call me to rest, and even at times takes me by the hand to green pastures and still waters where He restores my soul (Psalms 23:2-3), whether it be time to enjoy a cigar, an hour of quiet with Him in prayer, an evening with friends and family, or days away.

I know that the desire to rest is not sinful, but good; and therefore is something to be pursued and enjoyed. Sin may have twisted that truth into something else, the Holy Spirit is at work in me to straighten my apprehension and application of that truth out so that it conforms with God’s design.

With that in mind, it is time for a cigar. Puff, puff! ;-)=~