Receiving’s Bad Rap

One of the things I have been learning is that for many people it is difficult to ask for help when we need it or to accept it when it is offered. Western culture exults independence and individualism. It drives us on to “gut it out” exclaiming,

• Pull yourself up by your own bootstraps!
• Be your own man!
• Everything you need is inside you!
• God helps those who help themselves!

That last one has gotten so much play that it is often thought to be biblical (though neither the phrase nor the idea is anywhere found in the Bible).

But add to this idea in our culture that strength, wisdom, and self-image are tied to how independent you are, there is this interesting verse in Acts,

In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive’ (Acts 20:35, NIV).

It is more blessed to give than to receive. That verse, I think, has a part to play in our struggle to accept help, grace, and mercy from others. Again, it is culturally celebrated when you give help to others—that is a sign of strength, significance and success. But even Paul and Jesus seem to have taught that it is a lower class of blessing to receive help, than to give help. It is OK to give help, it is not so OK to ask for it or to accept it.

It is true that Paul worked at his own tent-making business to pay his way through his missionary journeys so that he was not a burden on those he was ministering to; and it is also true that Paul “walked his talk” by using what he earned to help others in need; and it is true that Paul wanted others to follow his example.

But taking this verse to mean that it is a sign of weakness to ask for help or to receive help is a terrible misinterpretation. There is a big difference between being in a position where you are weak, and it being a weakness to accept help from others. They are far from the same. As Paul says elsewhere,

For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith; if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully (Romans 12:4-8, NIV).

Have you ever thought that when you keep your need to yourself, you are keeping other members in the Body of Christ from using the gifts God has given them? How can a person whose gift is serving, serve you when you never let them know you need it? How can a person use his or her gift of teaching if we are too embarrassed to let people know we have questions? How can the encourager give you courage if you keep your struggles to yourself? How can the person who is blessed with the desire to be generous be so if we keep our needs to ourselves? How can the person with the gift of leadership help us if we think we should always be able to lead ourselves? What good is having the gift of mercy if we never give those with that gift the opportunity to use it?

Let me suggest that in giving the opportunity for others to use their gifts you are in fact giving. You are giving the opportunity for your brothers and sisters to use the gifts God has given them. You will be blessed by that giving in seeing how God has worked to meet your needs by having connected you to other members of the body whom He has placed with you for just that purpose. And on top of it all you will be helped, built up, and encouraged. Ask when you need help. Receive it when it is given. Trust me, you’ll be glad you did.