This is the fifth and final post in this week’s series in which I have been sharing what I have been learning about some of the unspoken thoughts often represented by the question: “Why is this happening to me?” We have looked at three so far:
What did I do wrong to deserve this?
Why isn’t God answering my prayers to rescue me from this suffering?
Today’s question is, “Why has God stopped caring for me?” Have you ever felt that way or heard someone else express that feeling? I have heard this question more than once in my time as a pastor.
In today’s day and age, this thinking is hard to avoid. Pain and suffering are things we are constantly told we need to minimize. Suffering, we are taught, has nothing positive to teach, it has no intrinsic value. Therefore we avoid it, when it can’t be avoided we medicate it, bury it, or deny it. We see this in the culture’s understanding of love—a good, happy, nice feeling that disposes you to do nice things for the people you love, and value the things that you love.
Therefore, if God really loves and cares for you He will work to make your life as pain free as possible. “Why would a loving God allow you to suffer like this?” we are told, “True love cares for you and will protect you from pain.”
With such a constant barrage of such thinking, it is no wonder that when people are at the end of their rope the thought “has God stopped caring about me?” pops into their head.
My friends, I have had 11 years of graduate and postgraduate education in biblical and theological studies, I have read hundreds if not thousands of books, articles, and essays. I have attended many seminars and conferences in order to help me grow as a Christian. I have had the privilege to sit under and learn from some of the best and brightest minds in the Church today. But I have been learning that nothing—no book, no class, no sermon, no teacher—nothing can teach me more about God’s love and care for me than suffering can. It is in those dark painful times, that Jesus’ love and care for me shines the brightest and my need for Him is the clearest.
In losing my house and possessions to fire I began learning that God can bring you even through fire and replace your possessions without cost to you.
When I was T-boned by an oncoming car at 50mph and walked away with only a few minor injuries, He was showing me His sovereign protection.
When I was laid off from 3 jobs in a year I began learning that God can provide even when I cannot.
When I was suffering from stress and burn out, I began learning that God can provide space for rest and renewal when I was not looking for it nor could afford to do so.
When my wife and I were verbally assaulted for getting pregnant a fourth time after our third pregnancy had had serious complications, He showed us His grace and mercy by sending people into our lives to encourage and love us.
When I was lost in a dark night of the soul curled up in a ball weeping because I felt so helpless, He showed me that even when I let go of His hand, He never let go of mine.
When that fourth baby miscarried, we again saw God’s love and grace in friends who incarnated His love and mercy and compassion for us in our grief for Joy (we gave her that name).
It was in these and other times like these that I have been learning humility, patience, grace, mercy, forgiveness, trust, mercy, kindness, empathy, compassion, thankfulness, faith, hope, and love.
I could go on. But I trust I’ve made my point. Christian, God has promised to never leave you nor forsake you (Hebrews 13:5). He has promised to be with you even in the dark valley of the shadow of death (Psalm 23:4). Therefore lean hard on 1 Peter 5:7 for it is true: Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
Learning To Be Full Of Grace And Truth. 
We sometimes stop seeing his hands, we sometimes stop feeling his hands, we sometimes even stop believing in his hands. They are always there. Even when we don’t believe in him, he believes in us.
More I’ve learned in part rom you. Don’t forget it yourself. Why? Because it’s the truth!
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I will do my best. =) Hebrews 11:1, Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.
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I hesitate to comment to an old post, but since your blog seams to be alive and you have the coolest profile picture on the christian web here it comes.
If God has helped you through hardships I can understand that you still trust in Him. There are no promises on a perfect life. But for us that experienced that God went silent when life turned bad it is not that easy. I was not delivered from my difficulties. I did not get any comfort. I did not get any help. I did not get any directions. I prayed for all of this or at least any of it. I got nothing. Its has now been 5-6 years since God went silent.
Apparently life is not to contain joy for me. I shall give to everyone but not receive from anyone. Not from humans and not from God. How could I possible draw any other conclusion then that God does not care for me? And no, I do not care much that He has died for my sins so that I can go to live with Him in eternity. Why would I like to spend eternity with someone who did not care about me during my short time on earth?
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Thnaks you for your kind words about my profile pic and for your honest and transparent comment. You sound like you have been in, and remain in a very dark place indeed. Nothing hurts quite so much as God’s silence. Are you willing or able to share what has been going on?
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Of course I can share my problems. In most material matters I have been well provided by the Lord. I am healthy, have a way to big home, a good job and money in the bank. But I have always been lonely.
I have a lot of social contacts but has always had very few close friends and finding a loved one was close to impossible. I prayed and prayed during my teens and twenties to meet someone (and I was not even really a Christian back then), but women was a to difficult matter to. But at last when I was close to 30 I did meet a women that fell in love with me. We started a life together with marriage, kids and a large family home. Me seeing Gods hand behind us meeting was an important factor for me when coming back to a full Christian faith.
After ten years she starts talking about divorce and drags me through hell for a complete year. Some mornings throwing her rings in anger on the bed and asking in the evening if it was ok to put them back on. I thought like a tiger to keep the family together and to get her to stay in the marriage. She treated me like shit for a year and then left.. I later found out she left me to start a secret relationship with a man that is 30 years older then her. But to this day she tells our daughters it was my fault we got divorced.
During this terrible year I prayed for our marriage and I prayed for her. After she left me I prayed for comfort. I prayed for guidance and I prayed for help. I got nothing. All our mutual friends went with her without even contacting me once. And as a divorced single father you are a social outcast only being able to hang out with other single men or occasionally with old buddies that want to re-live their bachelor days. I do not mind this company but long for family life and the smaller social circles. But she got all that.
I could be worse off of course. I live in a country where share custody is the norm and my kids live 50% of the time with me. But what does it help me that others have even worse lives?
Before my divorce I had a lot of prayers answered. Occasionally prayers for others are still answered. But when it comes to myself and my life God has been absolutely silent for five or six years now. If God would only tell me why my life had to be this way? Or help me find a way out of the bitter loneliness. But no. Just silence.
Maybe God wanted me to learn something? But all I learned is not to let people close or to trust them again. Especially not women. What kind of lesson is that? Maybe he wanted me to come closer to Him? No, because of the lack of support and meaningful advice I got from my church and other Christian counsellors I have stopped going to church or take part in public worship. I have not stopped believing in God, but lost all faith in a God that cares about me.
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Give it up. Stop playing on a losing team that just sees you broken battered and bloody.
If you still have your health your home your bank accounts and all else intact give thanks then slam the door break the connection walk away and be done.
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Dear friend,
I read what you said and I believe you are hurting badly. This is not to diminish your pain so please do not take it as such.
First let me say I know trauma is real and the pain can be deep and dark. I know because I’ve seen it first hand. Pastor Dan and I are friends and he has written and preached about my story before. If you read his Tale of Three women I am Michelle.
I too was lost in pain and believed god had shut me out. I too believed when I needed him the most he left me to suffer. My pain was so bad that I was desperate to understand it. For a decade and a half I cut, and I believe there was no good in the world and that god had turned his back on me.
As fate would have it he had never stopped trying. I had to be willing to hear him and obey. I searched for answers, I did the things I thought he wanted me to do. Instead of following the path he wished me to follow. It took a long time for me to see it. Let me tell you where it changed for me.
A friend named Secret Angel wrote a post about me (or to me) and in it was a song. Broken Girl by Mathew West. I totally missed it the first time around. I received a private message from her the next day asking if I’d read it and she quoted the lyrics. Somehow I missed it and two days later Pastor Dan messaged me the some. I heard it the third time. I asked many of the same questions. Maybe my post about it will help.
https://aghostdancer.wordpress.com/2013/11/14/i-am-little-i-am-broken-i-am-good/
Anyway the thing I am trying to say is god has not quit on you. He didn’t quit on me for 15 years and I was to broken to hear him whispering. Trust me on these couple of things.
1) God will never ever quit. He is actively trying to win you bad. It doesn’t matter if you can see it now. You will in time.
2) A person can be to broken to hear him whispering. I missed his path. I was so enraged at all I had lost because of the evil of men that I couldn’t see just what he wanted me to do.
3) This moment was one of the turning points and it never would have happened had god not brought secret and Dan into my life. He did this in advance of this moment and it laid the groundwork for the day I would finally stop shutting god out.. In my brokenness I could not see it was me who shut him out. It was me who couldn’t hear not he who couldn’t (didn’t) speak.
4) My path was rage and hate and pain. It was all I knew and for the past 6+ years I’ve known pastor Dan I learned one of the keys. I had to forgive those men. Not for their souls but for mine. I trust god will punish them for what they’ve done and he will reward me for my trust in leaving him to judge their hearts.
5) My life has improved but not before it got even worse. So bad that to everyone’s surprise I tried to end my life. I put an 8” kitchen knife into my chest. It cost me dearly and it changed everything. I had hit bottom and from the bottom with nothing to lose I began the process of forgiving the men who had harmed me.
After my suicide attempt I spent 7 minutes flat line which is legally dead. Somehow they revived me. I then spent a month in the ICU, another month in a special care unit, 6 months in a psychward and physical therapy. But I had begun something that made my life better. I had begun to understand what god needed me to do and began the process to forgive the men who hurt me and my life improved from there. Even the monster who stole my face and lead the others to do vile awful things. Yes I even forgave him. My life continues to improve and I see gods hands working once more in my life. More importantly I see his hand never stopped working in my life.
Does that mean it’s all rainbows and sunshine? No. I’ve readmitted myself more than once to psychward because I didn’t feel safe inside my own head. But I still see his hands working to fix the broken girl.
Have faith, listen and don’t give up hope. For if he can fix this broken girl, he can fix whatever is wrong that makes you broken.
One last thing. He doesn’t give us what we want. But he does give us the things we need. Sometimes we can’t see it but it’s true. When you’re ready to hear his whispers and I mean truly ready. You’ll hear him even through the pain. It took nearly 15 years, two suicide attempts, scaring the hell out of those who care for me, lots of pain, an ocean of tears and one stubborn broken girl who lost her faith. But god is mending my pain. Not in the ways I wanted him to but in the ways I need him to.
He will never quit on you. If you would like to talk I’m willing to share and listen.
Yours in the walk,
Michelle
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