In
A Tale of Three Women, I submitted that Christians should live in such a way that Christ is seen as attractive to the broken, the lost, and the outcast. “Yeah, but at what point do you need to confront people about their sin? Isn’t it loving to point it out? It isn’t loving to just let it go right? How long do we let it go on before we tell them they have to go?” These were some of the questions I was asked following that sermon.
I know that Scripture is very clear that there are times and places when it becomes necessary to confront people about sin that we see. That said, I want to share two things that I have been learning that help me discern when this is driven by love and not by pride or fear.
First, in R.T. Kendall’s book, Total Forgiveness, he gives an excellent test for discerning if we are in the right place for talking to someone about their sin. Do they N.E.E.D. to hear it?
N. Is it absolutely necessary? Is the issue at hand something I can live with, even if it is hard? Because love covers a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8) and as Romans 12:18 (NIV) says, If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.
E. Is what you are going to say meant to edify and build the person up, or is our motivation to tear them down? We need to be sure that our words are the kind that will bring life and not death (Proverbs 18:21).
E. Is what you are going to say going to encourage them to think about what you say and encourage them to work on that sin? Hebrews 3:13 (NIV) But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called “Today,” so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.
D. Is what you are going to say dignify them as people made in God’s image and as brothers or sisters in Christ? As David would not attack Saul or usurp the throne from him because he was the Lord’s anointed, we need to treat one another with the great dignity that God has given each person.
Kendall argues that if you can say “Yes” to those four questions then you are in a place where you can talk to someone about their sin. If you cannot say yes to one or more, you should hold your tongue. I have found this to be very wise counsel.
Second, I have been learning that if a person is not convicted of a particular sin, it is not really worth your time to make it a constant issue of conversation. It is better to focus on the areas of their life God is convicting them on, than on the areas of life you would like to help them change. God knows how to grow each of us into His image, and we should be humble enough and obedient enough to work where He is working. Of course, it is great when where God is convicting is where you would like to be working, but this is often not the case. If we are honest about ourselves, we will admit that there are many particular strains of sin that we have not yet been totally uprooted from our life, even after years of work. If God treats us with such grace and gentleness, we should have the same attitude towards others.
Learning To Be Full Of Grace And Truth. 
Nice example and I can say pastor Dan lives this. He and I don’t see eye to eye on my life style. However he has encouraged every effort that has lead me closer to my heavenly father and closer to being a whole person again. It has been a long long time since I was whole and since I walked fully in gods love. My past has scared me in ways few will truly see and pastor Dan aka my friend has been steadfast, supporting and fatherly on issue after issue.
Those who do not know I am Michelle from these teachings. My past was once clouding to every corner of my vision. Light has come and pastor Dan has been among the many blessings to bring that light back to me. I can say honestly I love as a brother my friend Dan Ledwith. Though our faith and beliefs differ to a point the good pastor has been a counsel to me in my focus to return to what god wishes me to be doing today and beyond.
You can read the inside me deeply series if you really want to know my darkness to my current hope and choices. These past few years have been vital to my healing and these past six months have been rapid and incredible. The past three months are beyond explaination. It’s all happening so fast right now and it doesn’t seem to be easing off the throttle. So for me I am hanging on for the ride and happy to have pastor Dan as a copilot on this journey.
We don’t get to say it often enough. To those who have prayed for me thank you, to those who have reached out to me thank you, to those who have supported me thank you, and to pastor Dan, Secret angel and Dans father (a pastor in my eyes) Bob. Thank you!..
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Thank you Michelle. I am glad to know you feel I “walk my talk.” God is doing amazing things in that heart of yours, and I am privileged to be one of the conduits of God’s grace God is using to heal the broken girl. I know Secret Angel and my dad feel the same. And we aren’t going anywhere. Here’s hoping the next three months are just as restorative of hope and light and love that these last three months have been.
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Michelle, There is an ad on TV about how our eyes can see a candlelight at a distance of 10 miles. Pastor Dan and the others that you mentioned have certainly been God’s light that you have seen from a great, great distance. That light has helped you to overcome a darkness that has engulfed you that most of us will never know. Sadly others had the opportunity but never did. By God’s grace He has brought these people into your life to show you Christ’s love and how Christ’s love is supposed to look. You are loved by an Everlasting love and you are being prayed for by many. Please buckle your seat belt because the ride is just beginning.
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Thank you for joining the light parade. Michelle knows how fortunate she is to have so many pray for her. She is a remarkable person and her heart is in the right place. That is evident by the numbers who hold candles for her trip back to Jesus and out of the desert of darkness.
Thank you,
Sarah
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Her trip from darkness isn’t complete. It over came her recently. She will be victorious because God and friends won’t quit on her. She has a large heart but I think she needs to focus on herself right now above focusing on others.
God is truly great and we will get the candles waving again. She will see the light and we hope walk toward it. If not my plan is to barrel headlong into her darkness and pull her from it kicking and screaming.
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I will be right there with you.
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Some sin is easier to tackle in a positive way. I can explain what I mean.
The love of my life and the breath of my being is my love for Michelle. We are lesbians true. But chastising her about that would earn you a stone wall. Your words from that moment would mean nothing to her.
Why? Because many Christians believe it is sinful. I know my love for her is ordained and blessed by Jesus. He put us together. Michelle would stop listening because attacking that is attacking the only pillar of strength she had/has left. It would further push her away from you, away from the love and safety of Jesus and in the opposite direction of what you think or meant to achieve.
However her cutting could be addressed in love and not condemnation. To have taken her by the hands and told her you know Jesus loves you. You don’t need to hurt yourself because love is real. (Bllah blah)
See we know self harm is a sin. Jesus wouldn’t want that from or for us. But rather than chastising building up the person so they no longer desire the sin would serve to pull her closer to you, closer to the word and closer to Jesus.
I guess we pick our battles. Before attempting to correct or point out another’s sin we must understand the person and what confronting that sin would do. Would it deliver the message we want or further isolate them. Can I approach the sin in a non-confrontational and judgmental way.
Approaching them with love, support and understanding on the sins we can without judgment for the sin I think is the best way to show Jesus’s heart and love. He didn’t judge, He just loved. He didn’t say prostitute don’t you know you’re a sinner. No He said you are healed and free by love.
Everyone one of us clings to Judas. We all have sin we cling to. We all want to serve HIM and we know Judas is in the way. So before pointing out the Judas in others we should consider the Judas in ourselves. By showing mercy and love to all they may confront their own Judas in the same manner Christ approached his.
For me I know my Judas is my love for Michelle. I will not apologize for it. I will not give it up. Am I saved? Yup I am. Why? Because Jesus loves me. Because His blood saved me. Because He is big enough to forgive His Judas and our Judas.
There is no other reason I’d be saved except for His mercy and His love. You, like myself, are not worthy except by His grace. He forgives our Judas because we are human and weak and He is Jesus, son of the Father and there is nothing He can’t do and nothing that will take His love from us.
Not even our Judas.
Sarah
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Holy cow. I love you too Sarah. You are my Judas as well, so to speak. Head long into my darkness? I wouldn’t wish that on anyone, especially you. But I see the light much clearer now. The candles are a roaring bonfire now.
Thanks to all who have been a candle to me and for me.
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Hey…. get a room will ya???? Lol!
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