We have all done things that we feel horrible about in retrospect. Many of us have felt that what we need is to forgive ourselves.
There is one problem with that—there is not one Scripture that addresses forgiving yourself! Not one! The Bible is full of passages about how God can and does forgive people. It also has a lot to say about our forgiving other people. But there is no verse or passage in the Bible that has to do with forgiving yourself. That leads to the question, “Can you forgive yourself? What do you do when you feel that is what you need to do?”
Certainly there are examples of people in the Bible who have felt like they needed forgiveness for their own sanity. David, for instance, wrote a number of Psalms that tell of his own struggle with such feelings. A great example is Psalm 38. David wrote this Psalm at a time when he felt over-ridden with guilt and was looking for relief. Listen to his words. We have all identified with them at one point or another.
O LORD, don’t rebuke me in your anger! Don’t discipline me in your rage! Your arrows have struck deep, and your blows are crushing me. Because of your anger, my whole body is sick; my health is broken because of my sins. My guilt overwhelms me— it is a burden too heavy to bear. My wounds fester and stink because of my foolish sins. I am bent over and racked with pain. My days are filled with grief. A raging fever burns within me, and my health is broken. I am exhausted and completely crushed. My groans come from an anguished heart. You know what I long for, Lord; you hear my every sigh. My heart beats wildly, my strength fails, and I am going blind. My loved ones and friends stay away, fearing my disease. Even my own family stands at a distance. Meanwhile, my enemies lay traps for me; they make plans to ruin me. They think up treacherous deeds all day long. But I am deaf to all their threats. I am silent before them as one who cannot speak. I choose to hear nothing, and I make no reply. For I am waiting for you, O LORD. You must answer for me, O Lord my God. I prayed, “Don’t let my enemies gloat over me or rejoice at my downfall.” I am on the verge of collapse, facing constant pain. But I confess my sins; I am deeply sorry for what I have done. My enemies are many; they hate me though I have done nothing against them. They repay me evil for good and oppose me because I stand for the right. Do not abandon me, LORD. Do not stand at a distance, my God. Come quickly to help me, O Lord my savior.
Guilt can make you feel this way. It can eat away at your soul and infect your body. Our failures, sins and shortcomings can stop us in our tracks. While no one knows what event or events preceded this Psalm, there are four things we can get from it that can help us when we are feeling this way.
David felt like God was against him. Does God still “punish“ us for sin after He has forgiven? Jesus Christ has paid for sin at the cross. There is no reason for God to “punish“ His children. God’s punishment has been spent.
David felt overwhelmed by the situation. Guilt can do that to us. Feelings of guilt can actually make us physically ill. David did not think he could take the pressure much longer. His guilt brought depression, fear and illness. His guilt left him bedridden. This is what can happen when we can’t get our eyes off our failures. What makes the difference in these times is how we respond to them. Chambers reminds about this fact. “If we were never depressed, we would not be alive. If Human beings were not capable of depression, we would have no capacity for happiness and exultation” (Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, February 17th reading).
David felt responsible for getting himself in the painful position he was in. David acknowledged that his choices and his sins had, in many ways, brought him to where he was (verses 4 and 18). David knew he was responsible for his own actions. The positions and circumstances we find ourselves in are almost always a direct result of past choices.
This is one of the things that made David great—his willingness to take responsibility for his failures. David acknowledged that the guilt he was feeling was his own fault. He deserved the fault. He was responsible and culpable for his sins.
When we feel this way about ourselves, we need to do what David did and take responsibility for our actions. Making excuses and blaming circumstances does not help, in fact it does just the opposite. Instead of preparing us to move on it conditions us to accept the lie that there is no way for us to get out from under the grasp of sin. That is not the message of grace and forgiveness. We are free of that. “For I can do everything with the help of Christ who gives me the strength I need“ (Philippians 4:13).
David looked to God’s grace for relief, not to himself. In this situation, overcome with grief for his sins and failures, agonizing under the weight of his circumstances, David did not look to forgive himself. He looked to God for forgiveness. It is important to remember that David was not afraid to tell God how he felt. Certainly there was confession—he knew that in many ways he had brought this trouble on himself—but he felt free to vent his frustrations and hurt to God. He trusted that God would forgive him. He not only trusted that God would forgive him, he trusted that God’s grace would bring him through to the other side of his suffering. God was the source of the grace he needed. God was the person he had offended. Only God can remove real guilt.
Our attitude here is crucial. This is one of Satan’s biggest traps: keeping us in the prison of guilt when the door has been unlocked, swung open, and we are free to leave. It is at this point that we either grow from the experience or define ourselves by that experience. Oswald Chambers writes about such situations in My Utmost for His Highest,
Depression tends to turn us away from the everyday things of God’s creation. But whenever God steps in, His inspiration is to do the most natural, simple things—things we would never have imagined God was in, but as we do them we find Him there. The inspiration that comes to us in this way is an initiative against depression. But we must take the first step and do it in the inspiration of God. If, however, we do something simply to overcome our depression, we will only deepen it. But when the Spirit of God leads us instinctively to do something, the moment we do it the depression is gone. As soon as we arise and obey, we enter a higher plane of life (Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, February 17th reading).
When we forget the fact that we have been forgiven and focus instead on our failures, we are robbing ourselves of the freedom God’s forgiveness has purchased for us. When feelings of guilt are overcoming us, the solution does not lie in becoming fixated on our feelings or on the situation or how on we got there, but in doing the next right thing. There is nothing wrong in examining past failures and sins to find what caused us to do those things so that we can avoid them in the future. That is healthy. What we don’t want to do is become fixated on them so that we never move on.
When we feel like we need to forgive ourselves what we really need (if we are honest with ourselves) is God’s forgiveness for ourselves. Remember, forgiveness is a divinely powered action. You cannot forgive yourself by yourself—you need God to forgive you. Perhaps the real challenge comes when the situation, the feelings, and the pain do not simply disappear after God forgives us.
Often feelings of guilt still linger and we still feel the need to be forgiven. We still feel like we must somehow do something to redeem ourselves. We can’t believe that we actually have been forgiven. The issue here is not how to forgive oneself, but needing to accept the fact that we already have been forgiven. Christ has paid for our sins. God has accepted that payment. We are free from guilt. There is nothing left to do or pay.
Learning To Be Full Of Grace And Truth. 