Walking in the Valley of the Shadow, Part 2

One of the things I have been learning about sharing God’s love with people who are experiencing great pain, is that it is almost always more helpful to be a gracious presence than an encyclopedia of biblical knowledge.

Does that seem counter intuitive to you?

In truth, for many Christians who find themselves in a situation where they are seeing or hearing about the deep pain that another is in, the default response is to quote Scripture or reference theological truths.

We say things like:

• “It was God’s will that this happened,” citing Job 1:21 (NIV) Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will depart. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised.
  
• “God has a plan for your life,” citing Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV) “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
  
• And the far-and-away favorite, “This is all going to work out,” citing Romans 8:28 (NIV) And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
  

My experience in walking with people who are themselves deep in the valley of the shadow has been teaching me that quoting Scriptures like these often produces the opposite effect we intend. Instead of comforting them, it often raises anxiety and deepens depression.

Why? Honestly, I think it is because they tend to come across merely as Christian platitudes; pat answers that seem to brush off the reality of their pain and struggle in their suffering.

What I have been learning is that what we need to do is bring God to them by our gracious presence, instead of telling them to go find Him. What they need is for us to incarnate Scripture for them, not quote Scripture to them. In fact, if we rightly understand Scripture, that is what we are directed to do.

He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God (Micah 6:8 (NIV).

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience (Colossians 3:12, NIV).

If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead (James 2:16-17, NIV).

If we know the truth and do not live it, we don’t really know it. If we know about the grace and mercy of God but do not incarnate it, what good is knowing about it?

When we are walking with people who are hurting we need to conduct ourselves in the truth of passages like Job 1:21, Jeremiah 29:11, and Romans 8:28; standing firm in the truth of the sovereign goodness and love of God. As we know God will never leave us or forsake us, we need to model that by being present for them—no matter what. The truth that God is a Rock and that we can find shelter under the wings of the Almighty (Psalm 91) is taught (and caught!) by our being there and not going anywhere.

And, just as importantly, we need to respond to their pain with God’s grace by living out Micah 6:8, Colossians 3:12, and James 2:16-17. We must be ready with mercy, be full of compassion, be kind in our speech, listen in humility, respond with gentleness, and be long on patience. We need to “mourn with those who mourn” (Romans 12:15), be willing to identify with them in their pain, and let them know it is real, it is hard, it is costly, and that they are right to cry and to cry out (after all, is that not what David did time and time again in the Psalms?).

The time will come when it is helpful to bring up Romans 8:28 and let them know that everything will be ok, but be spiritually discerning enough to know that it might not be the loving thing to lead off with.