Grace in a Dark Place, Part 1

One of the things I have been learning is how the Church is patterned after the family. A great place to see this is in Paul’s letter to the Ephesians, especially Ephesians 5:22-6:4. There you will find that…

• Marriages should be living types that picture for us the relationship between Christ and the Church.
• Husbands should love their wives as Christ loves the Church, and wives should submit to their husbands as the Church submits to Christ.
• Parents should be loving and nurturing their children and bringing them up in the teaching and instruction of the Lord.
• Children should honor and obey their parents.

What Paul was describing the ideal; the way it should be if everything is going right. You might say he was sharing God’s vision for the Church—that the Church would be a place where this kind of family dynamic naturally develops because of our working out what God is working into us.

But this is not always the case in the Church is it? In fact, it is often not the case. The reality is husbands don’t ask themselves at the end of the day, “Have I loved my wife the way Christ loves the Church?” The truth is it never occurs to us even to ask that question! Similarly, wives don’t ask themselves, “How did I do in showing respect to my husband today?”

Parents are much more likely to pass the nurturing of their children off to their kids ‘coaches, counselors and youth leaders than to see that they are primarily responsible for it. “After all,” they say, “isn’t that what we are paying them for?” And children are much more inclined to ask why they should bother to honor and obey their parents rather than to volunteer that love and respect.

The reality is divorce is as common in the Church as it is out of it. In my years as a bible teacher in Christian schools and as a youth pastor I can tell you that my experience was that as many as half the kids I worked with were from broken homes. It has been my experience that abuse and neglect are more common than any of us would like to think. I know of a high school dance that was cancelled less than an hour after it started because too many freshmen showed up drunk. I have had to counsel families whose children died from drug use.

A few years ago, I was the speaker at a Christian youth camp that was attended by more than a hundred 10-12^th graders. About 75% of them knew a friend who had committed suicide!

When I share the thought that the Church is patterned after the family, and that family is a place we are to be learning the love that we are to be practicing in church and in life, I often get the response, “What you are saying does not apply to me. My family is hurting, broken, struggling just to tread water. How can I live out a life of love when my family is hurting and broken?” or “How do I love or respect my spouse when My marriage is on the rocks?” or “How do I honor and obey my parents when my parents aren’t believers?”

My question for today (and the next few days) is: How do we live a life of love when we live in a place where there is so much darkness, brokenness, and pain? To answer that I want you to look at Ephesians 5:1-21 (NIV).

Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving. For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person–such a man is an idolater–has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God. Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God’s wrath comes on those who are disobedient. Therefore do not be partners with them.

For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) and find out what pleases the Lord. Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. For it is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. But everything exposed by the light becomes visible, for it is light that makes everything visible. This is why it is said:

“Wake up, O sleeper,
rise from the dead,
and Christ will shine on you.”

Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is. Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit. Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Whenever you see a “therefore,” it is important to look at what was talked about before. In Ephesians 4, Paul urged the Ephesians to show their unity in Christ and to strive for maturity by living lives worthy of the calling they had received. To do so necessitated that they be completely humble and gentle; being patient, bearing with one another in love. [Making] every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace, (Ephesians 4:2-3, NIV).

Paul argued that there should be a clear difference between Christians and non-believers. He says in 4:17-19 (NIV), So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, with a continual lust for more.

This was what Paul is referring back to in the opening verse of our text. Instead of being imitators of gentiles—who did not know Christ and lived by the sinful nature—they were to be imitators of Christ. If they lived like gentiles while claiming to be Christians they would be guilty of committing idolatry—worshipping sex or money instead of Christ.

If Christ truly lives in you, that is not who you are any more. As Paul says in Ephesians 5:8 (NIV) For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. When we give in to the temptations of sin, we are no longer being true to who we are—children of the light.

So Paul says, Live as children of the light. In verses 9-13 Paul tells the Ephesians what that looks like, how they would recognize it:

1. They will recognize it by its fruit: goodness, righteousness and truth.
2. It is recognized by intentionally asking what the Lord’s will is in any given situation.
3. By having nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.

Verses 15-16 explain why this is important: because the days are evil. Because the days were evil the Ephesians needed to make every effort to wisely take advantage of every opportunity.

Verses 17-21 Paul directs them how to go about living wisely.

1. Understand what the Lord’s will is.
2. Don’t react by doing things that will pull you away from the Lord, like turning to drinking, but respond by being filled with the Holy Spirit.
3. Speak in psalms and sing hymns and spiritual songs.
4. Be thankful.
5. And fifth, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

When we find ourselves living in dark places, we need to remember that Christ has called us to be a light in the dark. We are to be lights of God’s grace. So the answer to questions like “How can I live out a life of love when my family is hurting and broken?” “How do I love or respect my spouse when My marriage is on the rocks?” and “How do I honor and obey my parents when my parents aren’t believers?” is: be imitators of God as dearly loved children and live as children of the light. What I plan to do over the next few days is to share what I have been learning about three questions:

1. What does it mean to be children of the light?
2. What effect does it have?
3. How do we nurture that light when our family is not able to?

Tomorrow I will share my thoughts on the first question. I would love to hear what your thoughts are on these things as well, so feel free to comment.