Love Is ___________

If you were to fill in the blank, “love is ______” what would you say? What word or words would you use? I think this week I will focus my posts on words or thoughts I would use to fill in that blank.

My first word? Love is messy. There, I said it! I feel better just having gotten that off my chest! Love. Is. Messy! Love is often a messy business because people are messy. People are broken, hurting, and sinful. People are driven by pride or fear and most by both. People are selfish and self-centered. Their three favorite words are often “my,” “me,” and “I.” People are messy!

“Dan, that’s a very negative view of people!” Yes it is. And thank you for reminding me of another reason love is messy—people are negative! There are no books on how to be negative. There are no self-help conferences on how to be a more negative person. No one makes a living teaching people how to be more negative. It is our nature! We don’t learn it, we are born that way.

“That’s not me! I’m a positive thinker!” Really? I’ll prove it to you. Suppose you get a message from the bank on your phone telling you to call them back right away. What’s your first thought? “Whohooo! Too much money again!” That’s not what you think! You get that sick feeling in your stomach that there is not enough money in the bank!*

People are messy, therefore we shouldn’t be surprised to discover that loving them often becomes messy—very messy. Loving people means opening yourself to pain and heartache. Loving people means putting yourself in a position where you are exposed and easily hurt. Loving people doesn’t always go in the direction you planned.

It is because loving others is messy that Paul tells us that

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things (1 Corinthians 13:4-7, ESV).

And that we need to put on

compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony (Colossians 3:12-14, ESV).

If love were not messy there would be no need for love to be patient, compassionate, or humble. There would be no call to not be irritable or selfish. There would not be the need to forgive one another or to bear all things. Love is described that way because love is messy.

So if you are wondering why loving a particular person, friend, family member, or church member is so difficult, now you know. You are not alone. You are not experiencing something strange. This is normal. Love is messy.